limacharlie | [PUBLIC CHANNEL] DAY 88 - RE: FOSTER'S MUSHI DICK PLOT

I don't--

[He's about to say he doesn't blame himself, but he doubts anyone would believe that at this point.]

...It's all I can do. Just... try to make up for what I've brought with me.

Ginko...

[The worst part is, he doesn't know what to say to something like that. He doesn't know what argument he can give to make Ginko believe him. Even if Ginko was awkward as hell the first time, Psi hugs him again, holding him tight. He wishes there was something more he could do. How could he not have realized that Ginko would feel like this, and he'd been ignoring him all this time. But Ginko didn't want to confide in him, right?]

Thank you.

[Ginko's shoulders hunch, and he raises a hand slightly, making a brief effort to figure out what he's supposed to be doing with his arms right now. He gives up after a moment.]

...For what?

[What has he done that's worth being thanked for?]

For telling me how you feel.

[The hug train just ain't stopping]

You don't have anything to make up for.

[He knows it's not as easy as just saying it and having Ginko believe it, but at least he could hear it from someone.]

Ha. Sure I don't.

[Telling him how he feels, huh.

...This might be a stretch. And if he's wrong, he's going to be more humiliated than he already was. But.]

I... heard what you said to Tanyuu on the radio. About... moirallegiance. And relying on people.

Does... whatever it was that I did wrong, did it have anything to do with that?

Edited (the Final Edit i promise) 2017-04-30 19:47 (UTC)

[He pulls back suddenly, face turning a furious shade of magenta. He doesn't really know how to respond to that. The reason he was mad... It did have a lot to do with moirallegiance, but it was just common knowledge too. Wasn't it common knowledge? Suddenly he isn't so sure, and he sort of deflates as realization hits him.]

You don't know, do you?

[He's rapidly beginning to feel like the biggest jerk in the entire fucking carnival.]

...No? I... should I?

[Had Psi thought he did? Ginko's tail twitches back and forth. Was he supposed to know why already?]

[He'd messed up. Badly. He slumps over. There's no good way to explain this, but knowing there's no way to not explain it either. He takes a breath, not sure where to start, but knowing he has to begin.]

I've... Had a crush on you. For a while.

I know you're human, but I thought at least we were friends.

[He exhales, it's shaky. As he remembers their conversation from before, he's reminded of his own feelings of regret and despair during that moment as well. It's hard to fight through them.]

I told you a lot, more than I've told anyone... But you just said to worry about myself.

[He's just rambling, not even explaining anything, but how can he explain something he thought anyone could understand.]

I don't want to rely on you for everything and give nothing in return. I don't want to worry about just myself. I can't.

[He knew. He'd tried for sweeps before he'd meet the Signless.]

I don't have... Any concept of a relationship like that. Even a friendship. It doesn't make sense to me.

[...Okay. Okay just that first sentence is one hell of a bomb to drop. But before he can really... take that in, let alone respond, Psi keeps going.

Ginko's ears swivel down and back, slowly, until they're practically pressed against the sides of his head.]

...We are friends. Or were, at least. I don't know if you... [He shakes his head hurriedly, pushing his fingers through his hair. Focus on the topic at hand.]

I'm fine with focusing on helping other people, I don't expect them to feel like they have to take on my problems. I don't... want them to.

I didn't... I didn't realize that would hurt you so much. I'm sorry.

[How did he screw this up so badly? Without even noticing?]

[Psi laughs short and sad. He still didn't really understand. He'd still like to be friends with Ginko, but was that even possible with the way things were? Even when he tried to make casual conversation with the other man lately, it fell flat.]

It's fine, I just.

If I can never help you back are we even really friends? I don't want a friendship like that. I didn't think it worked that way, even for human beings.

I... I guess it normally isn't.

[Something squeezes painfully in his chest, and he takes a half-step back, shoulders slumping.]

...Ha. I guess I don't really know how to do this normally.

[Maybe he doesn't know how to do this at all.]

[Psi glances back to Ginko, watching the way he looks away, seeing his shoulders slump. He doesn't know what he's doing or what Ginko wants. He hardly knows what he wants. He does know he'd like it if they could stay friends, at least. He glances away again.]

If you can't... Rely on me, that's okay. But I'd like to... Keep trying. If that's okay.

I still...

[He takes a breath forcing himself to look at Ginko here.]

I still like you. I still want to help you.

Is that... Okay?

...Yeah. That's... that's fine.

[He nods, tentatively, then with more certainty. As sure as he is, though, about wanting to stay friends with Psi if he can, he becomes a little more hesitant when he starts to speak up again.]

And... I can try to do my part there, too. Though I... can't guarantee I'll be any good at it.

[What's opening up, sounds fake.]

[Psi smiles weakly. He can be satisfied with that. At least Ginko wasn't telling him to fuck off, like he'd originally thought.]

Thanks.

[He takes a step forward entering Ginko's personal space and reaches out to put his hand on the other man's shoulder. He meets Ginko's eyes.]

You're a good person. A lot of people would be worse off without you in their lives. Myself included.

[Oh apparently it's time for standing close together again. Somehow, Ginko never seems to be prepared for that, no matter how many times it happens.

He also never knows how to respond when someone says something like that. His first attempt at a reply catches in his throat; he swallows and tries again.]

I-- [Another laugh, soft and tired and vaguely disbelieving.] I'm... glad you think so.

[Get acquainted with Close Together Ginko, because it isn't going to stop happening anytime soon.]

Are you going to be alright with all this?

[He means the Mushi ordeal specifically, but the question is vague enough to be misunderstood of course.]

...Probably. [Conveniently, Ginko's mind jumps to mushi pretty readily, as a matter of course.] I've seen worse, so... Just so long as we can replace the repellent.

[Dammit, Foster.]

[He nods, thinking that over for a moment.]

Will you tell me or... someone, if you get... overwhelmed?

I will. ...I mean. I guess I kind of am. [He pushes his fingers through his hair.] But Tanyuu and Zecora are working on it, too, and there's not much else to be done.

I mean... If you get overwhelmed to the point where you feel like shouting.

[Ginko is quiet for a moment, apparently vaguely surprised by that - then he laughs.] I haven't felt like shouting in quite some time, but... I'll let you know if it comes to that.

[He hopes you do Ginko. He really does. Still, that laugh has him smile.]

Guess I'll leave you be then.

Yeah. I'll see you later. Uh... Thanks for coming by.

[It feels strange to say, considering everything, but. He means it, nonetheless. If nothing else, it means he doesn't have to keep worrying about what Psi thinks of him on top of everything else going on.]

[He smiles. He takes Ginko's hand, raising it to his lips and giving it a kiss before departing.]

[--Oh.

So that leaves Ginko standing, alone, in the trailer, trying to process that. Maybe it shouldn't be as surprising after what Psi told him, but.

...Shit. He's got work to do; he'll have to work this out later.]

[PUBLIC CHANNEL] DAY 88 - RE: FOSTER'S MUSHI DICK PLOT

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