[PUBLIC CHANNEL] D100 | Early In The Attack

[fortuneglass]

[Can anything get worse than the attack already is?

The answer is a resounding Yes. (And that's BEFORE everything else, for that matter.)

When Carly comes onto the radio- public radio on that note, for while she would rather not distress everyone further, it's something everyone should probably know- her voice is tense. Low, and flat, and stiff, as it has been in the past when handling something relatively unpleasant...or when causing it, for that matter.

Which is never a good sign.]

...Herbert is dead, [Is what she starts with, not that there is much else to say.] ...I have what's...left of him, [She says, sounding remarkably calm outside the clear hesitation as she chooses her words.

There goes one of their medical staff, for the time being though.]

Comments

[reflash]

[He should be out there fighting. He can't just hide here and be miserable when he should be out there.

But she says "talk" and he tries. He tries to talk without spilling everything, without tearing himself open and dropping everything on her.]

... do you know my older brother? [Of course she does. Everyone knows Rin. Everyone likes Rin, because Rin is a good person.]

[fortuneglass]

Your broth- Oh! Rin, yes?

Good cook...reminds me of Yuugo in a lot of ways, honestly, [She remarks- there's a visible grimace in that tone however. Neither of the two act very bright at times.]

Older though... [Ah] ...I can't imagine by much, you seem pretty much the same age... [She's got to be right on that! Tell her she's right!]

[reflash]

We're twins. [She's right. They just couldn't be more different.]

Our father was always proud of him. [There it is. He just came right out and said it, said one of those things that sits heavy in the back of his mind and gnaws away at every thing he does.

Maybe this means his better half doesn't have to deal with this.]

[fortuneglass]

[Ooooooh. Oooooh dear.] Ahhhhh.

...Hmm. You know, I think it normally happens with the older sibling but...

...I don't suppose you ended up looking after him a lot, growing up?

[She never had siblings herself but...well, she's definitely seen a few things, and heck- the twins at home, much as they were still kids, painted a heck of a picture.]

[reflash]

When we were really little he would always look after me, but--

[But then things changed, roles switched and Yukio had to be the stronger one, the one who could handle everything, the mature and intelligent and kind and perfectly behaved counterpart to a wild brother.]

There were so many things he wasn't allowed to know about, so I had to protect him.

[insidescoop]

'Really little' doesn't really sound like the kind of 'looking after' I meant, [Carly laughs- though it's a quiet one.]

...Yeesh...hiding things even? However well your dad probably meant, I'm not sure these were great decisions...

If you took over the 'looking after' from when you were 'really little', it sounds more like you helped raise your brother, honestly..!

[reflash]

Not... not really. [He can picture what she's thinking of, a life where Yukio wasn't just the brother who wrapped up Rin's injuries and told him to put more effort into his schoolwork.]

There were always people around to watch out for us. But...

They were raising us to be weapons. He was allowed to have a normal life, he didn't know about any of this until a few months ago. I was the one who had to learn how to fight, I was the one who always had to be-- [he cuts himself off, painfully aware of how loud he's getting, how much he's spilling in front of someone he doesn't know.]

I'll never be good enough, and he's always been perfect.

[insidescoop]

WEAPONS-!?

[MMM! BOY!

...She kind of wants to murder your dad, Yukio.

It's a good thing he's dead. Because wow! That's not great.] ...I don't think the standards of someone who expects that are the standards you should hold yourself to, Yukio. ...Not in the slightest. ...It probably doesn't change how it feels, or felt, but...

You're not your brother. But he's not you either- maybe there's going to be things he's better at, but frankly, I'm talking to the one who I would trust my life with if something happened! ...I mean Rin's great and all but I really don't want him on call for my medical! I'm just saying!

And that trust doesn't need someone's idea of perfect. It needs someone who knows what they're doing, and cares enough to try. Both emotionally, and in other ways too! [she adds seriously.] I know you more than I know your family, but I can say this much at the least.

...You shouldn't have been denied that normal life. Whatever happened, whatever is and was happening...

[She is silent for a moment or so, before she pipes in more cheerily.] ...But you know? ...While it's too late to 'go back'...I don't think anyone here would be able to complain, if you got to have something 'normal' now!

[...] ...That probably sounds a bit silly, doesn't it..!

[reflash]

No one ever gets what they "should" get. [The idea of a fair world has never appealed to Yukio, he's never been able to see it as anything other than naive hopes. He's always known that he'll have to fight and claw and exhaust himself to get anywhere.]

And I...

I can't just be someone people trust, I have to be someone who they can always trust and always look up to. Especially here, where there are even more people relying on me. I can't let them down.

[insidescoop]

Ooooh, now don't you use that excuse!

Just because we don't always get what we should or want, doesn't mean people have the excuse to keep ignoring it! It's the fact that the world doesn't work that way, that means we should put an effort into it! Not everyone recycles, or cleans their dishes, or eats healthy, but it doesn't change that we should still try does it?

...And as for trust...

We're human, Yukio. More than that, we're 'alive'! Faeries, Demons, Angels, those are beings that all make mistakes, and so do we. Trust isn't something that gets abandoned at whim- it's not something that fails because you can't pull something off in a particular moment!

It's something you have despite knowing that could happen! ...Take it from someone who's up on a pedestal themselves...

...If I need help, I ask for it- even from someone who's 'less strong'.

Because I still stand a better chance of managing something that way.

...you can be someone who's looked up to, and trusted, and still be helped.

...I know I've made better decisions that way, than on my own and frantic...

[reflash]

No one can help me! [Now he's yelling, temper snapped under the weight of his own crushing expectations and his own self-created view of the world.]

It doesn't matter how much effort I put in! ["effort" is one word for it, one way to sum up nonstop work and too few hours of sleep and the constant pummeling grind of school and teaching and exorcisms and training and unrelenting stress.] It doesn't fix anything! It doesn't really mean anything! No one actually gives a shit about me! And your advice isn't ever going to help anyone!

[insidescoop]

Is that how you think all the time? Even as one person?

Effort could mean anything? What about the effort the stop? To breathe, and sit for a while?

Take it from someone who knows- you crash harder if you keep pushing without pause!

oh no my html

[reflash]

I don't have time for that! [Not back home, not when one failed test could mean the loss of his scholarship, or when papers graded too slowly could mean a rebuke from another teacher, or when taking a day (a few hours, a few minutes) off of work means that demons are allowed to roam freely.

Here, he has time, he could make time, he could step back and take a breath and not continue his punishing pace. But he doesn't know how.]

I don't need you to lecture me! You have no idea what you're talking about!

Oh nooo

[insidescoop]

Heh?! [BUDDY] Don't know-

And how would you know that yourself?

[Unfortunately battle waits for no one and avian screeching takes over the air- no more safe zones for Carly.] Mnn-!

We're talking later, Yukio-!