Public Channel - Important Announcement

[cuckooed]

[The day after the Ringmaster's public address, the public channel comes alive again, this time with the voice of Koel Babic. Her voice is quiet, but firm.]

Good morning, everyone. This is Koel Babic, your Head Cook.

Starting tomorrow, the Warden and the Ringmaster has authorized an instructor to hold weekly basic training classes, after carnival hours. All employees will be required to attend the first meeting in order for the instructor to ascertain everyone's defensive and offensive capabilities; after this first meeting, only those who do not pass a preliminary assessment will need to attend.

Oh, and the Supervisors - myself included - will be more than willing to personally escort you to the meeting, should you somehow conveniently forget to attend. I simply recommend you don't inconvenience them. Absence based on injury or illness will be accepted so long as our Doctor, Zecora, has confirmed its legitimacy, but you will be expected to attend the next meeting if that is the case.

[A brief pause.]

That is all.

Comments

[faking]

Oh, sure, sure, no problem... [Although he doesn't manage to be quite so saccharine as his usual attempts at bullshit.] —But it must be very difficult to perceive these fractures of the heart. You know, where I'm from, it leads to lunatic asylums. They lock you in and tie you up and let your heart be torn asunder, all because of its natural delicacy. Miss Babic, oh, Miss Babic, you won't let Zecora put me in a lunatic asylum, will you?

[And, of course, he's still overacting.]

[cuckooed]

[And salmon lox.]

One can argue you're already in the throes of lunacy. You're here, after all.

[faking]

[He stops short. Says, primly,] Well. [She has a point, and it's making him lose steam in his playacting. Mostly he just doesn't want to get out of bed unless he really, really has to, so...

He sighs, and there's a little less grease to his façade. One reason he's been so antisocial lately is that he's just too tired to keep up snotty or sweet appearances, either of them.]

Isn't it enough to know how to hit a person in the mouth? [he asks finally.] I can do that. Can lick a person well enough with just myself, on my own. Any more than that and I don't want to deal with it anyhow, so I should be good just like that. Don't you think?