THE WARDEN AND NIGHTRIDER ARE HERE (D170)

[osteothropy]

[Sans is blue.]
[Lambert is dark red.]

[ Supervisor’s Channel ]

All right. [ Lambert’s voice is brisk and business-like, for once, though it still has that familiar edge of sarcasm to it. ]

Okay. [Sans is here, too.]

I’ll get to the point. You know the next stop’s not like our usual. [ To say the least. A beat, before he continues: ] Keep an eye on your people. Make sure they’re actually following the rules, not freaking out and getting us all into shit.

[ That feels like a tall order, though, under the circumstances. ]

That goes for you, too. Keep your head on straight. Any problems or troublemakers you can’t handle on your own, let me or Sans know. This isn’t a performance stop -- if anyone who works for you is assigned to patrol or the nightrunners, they answer to us first.

Speaking of ‘keeping your head on straight’... some of you might remember a certain stop we had a ways back where a few certain someones almost got the guillotine for failing to abide by a similar set up of stuffy royal standards. Let’s not have a repeat of that, cause from the sounds of it the RM might not be able to save you this time.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, this is your opportunity to remain blissfully ignorant.



[ Public Channel ]

[ Lambert’s voice is terse, and irritable: ]

Our next stop’s called Heartstone Manor. We’re going to go over some ground rules to make everyone's life, especially mine, a lot easier.

[Sans is also here.]

The RM has already covered a lot of this in her announcement, but it is officially our jobs to make sure that it sinks in. Dealt with True Fae before? Then you know this isn’t a joke. Yes, your fashion sense and table etiquette are now a matter of life and death. This is me, Sans, telling you to take this seriously. Hopefully that means something to you.

To summarize the gist of what was said, here are some basic RULES. The Nightrider and I will be watching. So, even if the Prince doesn’t catch you, we will.

[Sans recites “The Rules” like he’s just whipped out a pair of reading glasses and is quoting them from an official document:]

DO:

• Follow the daily schedule
• Follow dress code
• Be polite to The Prince and his servants
• Keep your radio on you

DON’T:

• Whine about everything
• Seed rebellion or talk about rules breaking on the network
• Make any deals or promises to other fae servants
• Lay any hard disses on The Prince, ever, under any circumstances
• Don’t sweat the small stuff: this is gunna grate on a lot of us, so just focus on the end goal… which is not dying

Don’t mess it up.

That, too.

Comments

[whattaprick]

Is this actually going to be a problem at our next stop?

[periphrasing]

I don't know! Maybe? I haven't known this clod long enough to make even an educated guess!

[There's a lot of worry packed into that outburst. 9S's rejection is messing with her bad enough as is, did their next stop really have to include TONS OF PRESSURE on the supervisors to make sure everyone stays well behaved? What kind of timing is this!?]

[whattaprick]

Beating someone in a fight is usually a pretty good way to get them to listen to you.

[ At least, in Lambert's experience. However, he also knows Peridot's not exactly what one would describe as combat-ready, so after a beat he's going to relent: ]

Do they work for anyone else?

[periphrasing]

[SHE COULD BEAT HIM IF SHE STILL HAD LIMB ENHANCERS. PROBABLY. MAYBE.

Ugh.]

...I have absolutely no idea. His name is 9S, and he doesn't like gems.
[Probably doesn't help that Lapis was the point of first contact between him and their species, but.] That's the extent of the information I have on him.

[whattaprick]

9S? [ Lambert sounds surprised, and for good reason. From his limited interaction with the android, he was relatively inoffensive, but. ]

He's a scout, so he works with me. Seems to have a weird thing about humans, but mostly just seems like a nerd.

[ He says 'nerd' a little funnily, like it's a word he knows the meaning of but hasn't really had the chance to use before now, and also it feels weird because it's another relic of their time in Portland, Lambert's teasing a constant. ]

[periphrasing]

...He's a scout, too?

[She... Honestly didn't know that. It takes a second to sink in, but... This is it? The perfect solution.]

GOOD, then he can be your problem!

[Shove it all off on big brother.]

[whattaprick]

I mean, he's not much of a problem for me, but it probably works out better this way. [ So what if this isn't helping Peridot learn valuable life coping skills??? But he does have to ask -- ]

So why's he being a pain in your ass?

[periphrasing]

Like I said, he hates gems, apparently. Because we're not from Earth or something. [there's a scuffle on the other end of the line, as Peridot takes her finger off the talk button to get out a heavy sigh before she continues.] I don't really know the specifics, I just know what Lapis told me. She got into some kind of altercation with him before I even got the chance to introduce myself.

[whattaprick]

Lapis getting into a fight? Wow, what a surprise. [ Never mind that people would say exactly the same thing of him. ]

Has he actually tried to hurt you, or is he just not listening?

[periphrasing]

[IGNORING THAT FIRST COMMENT.]

I mean... Neither, really. But there hasn't been a lot to do for our team lately, so I haven't really had the chance to see how he'd respond to orders.

i guess this is before screamgate 2k17 unless you want her to pull him for a private convo

[whattaprick]

I'm usually the one giving people shit. So the only advice I can give you is not to take it personally.

[ Somehow??? ]

People don't have to like you to do their jobs, or for you to trust them to do theirs. If he's made up his mind about you, nothing's going to change that unless he wants it to.

WORKS FOR ME

[periphrasing]

[He's right, of course. But it's not what Peridot wants to hear. It's also a pretty unwelcome reminder that, ONCE UPON A TIME, she didn't used to care a lick about whether other gems liked her or not, unless they were her supervisors. She never needed the approval of the other Peridots. She certainly hadn't felt any need to impress Jasper on their mission to Earth.

Sometimes she wonders if things have really changed for the better, since she started integrating into life away from Homeworld.]

Rrrgh. I guess so. It's just so stupid, he doesn't even know me!

[whattaprick]

People don't need to know you to hate you. No matter where you are, that much never changes.

Question is, are you gonna let it get to you or not?

[periphrasing]

[Silence, for a moment.]

You know, a lot of what you're saying makes it sound like you're speaking from experience.

[whattaprick]

Well, yeah.

You didn't think people actually like witchers, did you?

[periphrasing]

[Flatly:] I had absolutely no preconception of what other humans think of witchers because you barely ever even told me what a witcher is.

[Come to think of it... she knows pretty much next to NOTHING about Lambert's origins. Maybe not a conversation for right now, but she's definitely logging that away to pester him about in the future.]

[whattaprick]

We only show up when shit's fucked and we take people's money to deal with it. People even write books about how much we piss 'em off.

[ And then, reciting like he's paraphrasing from memory, putting on an air of pompous scholarlyness (which kind of sounds like Strange, sorry Strange): ]

'Verily, there is nothing so hideous as the monsters known as witchers, the offspring of foul sorcery and devilry! They are rogues without virtue, conscience or scruple, diabolic creations fit only for killing.'

[periphrasing]

...Well that sure is a description. [Is all she can think to say, laughing a bit at the tone he's taking. She's still not sure she fully understands what a witcher is or does, but it paints a pretty vivid picture, if nothing else.]

Obviously that can't be an accurate assessment, since I've seen you do plenty of things other than just killing.

[whattaprick]

But it is what we're best at. [ Lambert's tone is back to normal, meaning he somehow just ... communicates the fact that he's waggling his brows awfully. ]

Sometimes it's not a bad thing to have people scared of you. Well, until they decide you're too dangerous to live.

[periphrasing]

[This is just so weird for Peridot to get her head around? Like. Lambert being some kind of threatening, frightening murder machine just doesn't feel right when, for a long while, she knew him as a librarian. She has such a skewed perception of this poor man.]

Um. [is that incredulity in her voice? Yes. Yes it is. This is the tone of someone who has learned something unsavory about someone they like, and is trying really hard not to say anything offensive about it.] IIII thought humans were generally averse to the idea of killing one another, so... I guess that makes that description make a lot more sense, in that case.

[You didn't specify exactly what it was that you're good at killing, Lambert, and that's on you.]

[whattaprick]

Hah. [ Lambert snorts at the idea. ] If only we got paid for that. We aren't assassins -- witchers are trained and hired to kill monsters, not people.

[periphrasing]

Are monsters not also people where you come from, then?

[Sans and Papyrus are monsters. Which means Alphys probably is too. But she's figuring the definition of 'monster' in Lambert's world is more akin to the definition of the word in her own world.]

[whattaprick]

They're not. Mostly. Vampires and werewolves are as smart as they get, and sometimes you get humans who've been cursed into monsters, but those are exceptions.

[periphrasing]

Hm. It's curious how the application of that word changes depending on where you are in the multiverse... Still. You'd think people would be pretty enthusiastic about there being an entire faction dedicated to eradicating things that want to kill them.

[whattaprick]

Well, the 'foul sorcery and devilry' part might have something to do with it. With all the mutations, people don't see us as much more than monsters ourselves. And ones that take their money, which is even worse.

[ He seems to think that's funny, if the sardonic chuckle is any indication. ]

Witchers don't kill for charity.